Earning Respect from Children

Why respect matters when working with children

Children pick up on how adults treat them. Every conversation, reaction and interaction tells them something about their worth and their place in the world. Those who work with children have a real influence over how young people see themselves and others.

Respect from children often needs to be cultivated, especially considering individual differences and developmental stages. It tends to come when adults behave consistently, listen properly and treat children fairly. Earning that respect contributes to creating a more effective working environment and can facilitate children's learning and development.

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Showing genuine interest

One of the simplest ways to earn respect from children is to show that you actually care about what they have to say. This sounds obvious, but genuine interest is often in short supply. Children are perceptive and can often tell when adults are genuinely engaged versus simply performing an expected role.

Taking time to ask questions and listen to the answers matters. Ask about their interests, their friendships, their worries. You do not need to solve every problem or offer advice on everything. Often, being heard is enough.

Children who feel valued tend to develop confidence. They are more likely to trust adults, share concerns and ask for help when they need it. This trust can often carry over into how they treat others around them, though individual circumstances and external influences play a role.

It is also worth remembering that younger children and teenagers respond to different approaches. What works with a five year old may feel patronising to a twelve year old, and vice versa.

Your situation may be slightly different. ask a question below ↓ and our editorial team will reply with our advice.

Being consistent and fair

Children respect adults who are predictable in a good way. This means:

• Following through on what you say you will do
• Applying rules evenly rather than making exceptions based on mood
• Admitting when you have made a mistake
• Explaining decisions rather than relying on "because I said so"
• Giving constructive feedback that encourages growth

Consistency gives children a sense of safety. They know where they stand. Fairness, even when it means holding firm on boundaries, usually earns more respect than being lenient one day and strict the next.

This does not mean being inflexible. There will be times when circumstances call for a different approach. But children generally respond well when they understand the reasons behind decisions, even if they disagree with the outcome. Cultural background also shapes how children and families understand respect, which matters in diverse settings.

Helping children express themselves

Many children struggle to make sense of their feelings. Adults can help by creating space for children to talk, without judgement or interruption. This might mean sitting with silence, asking open questions or simply being present.

Helping children name their emotions can give them tools they will use throughout life. A child who learns to say "I feel frustrated" rather than acting out is better equipped to handle difficult situations as they grow older.

Organisations such as the NSPCC and Place2Be offer guidance for adults who want to support children's emotional wellbeing. These resources can be useful in education, childcare and other settings, though you may need to adapt them to suit the age group and context you work in.

Children learn from example. If you want them to be respectful, you will usually need to model that behaviour yourself. This means speaking to children as you would to anyone else: with courtesy, patience and honesty.

Earning respect takes time. It does not happen in a single conversation. But adults who invest in building genuine relationships with children tend to find that cooperation, trust and mutual regard follow naturally.

For those working professionally with children, training in safeguarding and child development can support your practice. In the UK, certain roles such as teachers and childminders require mandatory safeguarding training, and your employer may require additional courses specific to your setting.

The Next Step

Now that you have read through the advice above, you might want to put it into practice. Our Childcare Career Finder lets you tell us what draws you to working with children and we will match you with the UK careers or volunteering roles that fit you best. Try it now →